I ran another "5K" this morning. I put it in quotes because they told us ahead of time it was really 3.3 miles. I guess I'll chalk this race up to experience. And it was a bad experience.

I was wishy-washy going into it. All week I said I was going to just run it for training, not race it. Since the weather was questionable, I didn't even decide for sure that I was running it until an hour before. I prepared the day before and morning of like I was running, but mentally I wasn't plugged in. I knew the route beforehand and was afraid. It's the route I train on all the time, so you'd think that would be a plus. But I psyched myself out because I knew how bad the hills would be. The thunderstorms held off, but it was rainy. There was no registration, no numbers, no timer, and only about 30 people showed up.

I started getting wound up this morning, and when I got there, the adrenaline started flowing, so I decided I'd race it. Of course, I started off too fast, with all the other rookies who sprint out the gate. I'm really trying to slow down on this part, but it's so hard for me to judge my pace with everyone else around me. I talked myself out of racing it about 2/3 through. In fact, I walked two hills. No one passed me during these walks, but it killed my pace, obviously. And the worst part of all: I did not finish. Well, I finished. In fact, I ran 3.5 miles. I just didn't cross the finish line.

The course was horribly marked, and at the end they had us running through a parking lot filled with cars and people preparing for a festival. No markers or ropes or anything, just someone pointing us in that direction. I was by myself and couldn't see anyone in front of me or behind me, so there was no one to follow. When I got through the parking lot, I couldn't see any signs and turned at the wrong spot. When I looked at my Garmin and noticed I'd gone 3.5 miles, I knew I was wrong.

I could have turned around and figured out the right way, but I was closer to my car if I kept going and how embarrassing would it be to join back up with the pack! So I missed out on the cheap 50/50 polyblend t-shirt that was 2 sizes too big--I'm not losing sleep over that. I can't figure out what makes me more mad: that I let my evil twin and fear talk me out of pushing it, or that I made the wrong turn, or that the course was so poorly set up.

I'm sure there's something positive I can take away from this race, but I haven't figured it out yet. You've got to have the bad runs to appreciate the good ones, right? This race was such a mental struggle for me the whole way that I don't even remember the actual running or my music. Maybe I should have focused more on my music and let it distract me.