We have had our dose of saddness on this blog. Angie and I lost our uncle somewhat unexpectedly two weeks ago. It really knocked us all on our collective butts. I've never really had that experience - where you turn off machines and watch a person slip away. I would have thought I would have nightmares (I'm such a scared-cat) but I didn't.
Needless to say - my training has slipped a lot. I was already sick from the outbreak monkeys that I call my nephews (!!!). It's been three weeks and I finally feel on the mend. Between vomitting and burying my uncle, my bike came in.
It is terrifying. For all the reasons that have been posted on this blog recently and for reasons that haven't (a member of my tri-club was hit last week - 45 stitches in his face).
So, I have used this as an excuse to just look at the bike for the past three days. And, with each day, it gets scarier. And, they have made this bike more complicated than f*cking flying the space shuttle. They have made it seems impossible. So, I have let this white monstrosity stare me down and win.
This morning though, I decided - f*ck it. I bought it. I have to ride it. I'm going to fall. But, I have to just do this. And, said to myself - there must be a reason that there's the saying "as easy as riding a bike..."
So, across the street from my apartment is a small paved park (where all the UN protests are - if that rings any bells). It's always empty early in the morning. So I went over there and tried. I wiped out immediately. I was clipped in and paniced and couldn't remember how to unclip - so, in slow motion, fell straight on to my knee. I did it in four minutes out. I stood up. Scared as hell. Bleeding. And got back on. And this time, rode for a couple minutes, and then wiped out again, this time on the other side. This time, so bad that a door man came running over to me. I told him I was learning and not to be alarmed. (even though on the inside, I was waaaay past alarm...). I was scared. I wanted to take the bike and give it to the doorman (who said it was really a good one) and limp home.
But, I've never let fear beat me. So. I got back on. And I forgot about gears for the moment and just practiced clipping and unclipping. Fast and slow. Unclipping and stopping. Unclipping and still riding. I did it for about an hour. And, I did my trick from years of therapy - I found I went to a mantra. Saying over and over "this is fun. this is fun. this is fun."
FYI? It wasn't. But, I feel like it might be in a while. Maybe.
After an hour of practice, I went straight to the drug store to get first aid bandages and cleaning stuff. One knee is just scrapped up. The other has a huge bump on it, but I figured if I cracked or broke it, I would know (based on how I felt with the calf tear - when something's bad - it's f*cking FEELS bad). I'm icing and took some tylenol and am already making deals with myself to get back out there. Next time... long pants....
I am thinking about all of you all the time. Rachel - I hope you and your family are feeling better. Just getting through my uncle's funeral -it was so hard, and I was so grateful to have angie - I hope you have a strong network around you and know there some random chick in New York City praying for you!
More later - Cathy
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4 comments:
Good job my friend! Those bike clips scare me too. I understand the concept and I know it makes for a better ride, but I have never invested in the practice of clipping, unclipping to feel secure.
You really had a big morning. Conquering your fear of the bike probably was the best therapy for your grief. I will take physical pain over emotional pain any day.
I am glad you checked in. I always look forward to your posts. Good luck with your knees.
Hi-
I haevn't commented before but I've read the blog through Angie for and V for a bit now. Regarding your bike outing - you're way ahead of me. I didn't buy shoes to clip in because I knew I would wipe out. Even though I know it will make riding easier. On my first ride, my husband stood at the front door with his cell phone ready 'just in case' he said.
But, when I ride on flat surfaces I absolutely feel like I am flying. This can be problematic since I don't always control the speed and then I panic but I'm enjoying it so far. I'm also scared to ride on the road around here. I take my bike to an old golf course on post and ride on the former golf cart path. Let me know if you have any tips for overcoming this because it would be so much easier just to ride all over.
Best of luck with clipping in/out!
Kelly
It breaks my heart to hear of biking struggles, I feel like a kid everytime. I never had a problem clipping in and out. The only pointers I have are: Always clip out of the same foot first (this is my right) and you are falling because you are going to slow. You need to clip one foot in and get your speed up, once you are WELL on your way you can stop peddling to clip in the other. When its time to unclip, unclip the foot you have picked well before you need to stop. and when you stop and have it on the ground unclip the other.
Kuddos for getting back on the bike after you fell right away. One of the girls I knew at the TRI on Sat never even knew they made clips and biking shoes (she's a runner... boy did I laugh). More on the TRI later.
Yay for getting back on. I agree with Rachel's advice. One other tidbit I try to do is shift to a high gear before getting off the bike...that way if for some reason you have to keep pedaling you can easily do it and not have to worry about slowing down (and then falling).
And just think of all the stories you'll be able to tell when people ask what the hell happened to your knees :). Makes for much laughter!
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